


When Mara Says Jump...

by astudyinfic



Category: Cut & Run - Madeleine Urban & Abigail Roux
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Hijinks & Shenanigans, M/M, Mara Grady is a saint for putting up with all of this, Not Beta Read, References to Team Sidewinder, Strange state laws
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:40:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27800908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astudyinfic/pseuds/astudyinfic
Summary: Angry phone calls from his mother were nothing unusual and Ty had long ago perfected the art of groveling.The problem was that this time, he had no idea what he was supposed to be apologizing for.
Relationships: Zane Garrett/Ty Grady
Comments: 10
Kudos: 24





	When Mara Says Jump...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JillTheMenace](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JillTheMenace/gifts).



"BEAUMONT. TYLER. GRADY." His mother's voice sounded through the phone, loud enough that Zane could hear it six feet away. Ty's traitorous husband raised a brow and didn't even try to restrain his smirk. His amusement at Ty's suffering was uncalled for. 

Ty glared at him, even as he tried to calm his mother down. "Ma? What's wrong?" 

Because he hadn't done anything. Recently. 

At least nothing that would result in that kind of anger. That he remembered.

"You will be down here tonight to fix this, do you hear me? This is not my problem and if Chester gets a hold of this.." She trailed off as Ty's mind went into overdrive. They were supposed to be spending a quiet weekend at home but Ty got the feeling that his mother would show up on his doorstep here in Baltimore if he didn't make his way to Bluefield ASAP. 

Ty glanced at Zane. "Willing to take a trip to Bluefield tonight? Apparently, I did something in West Virginia that I don't know about while I've been in Baltimore for the past four months. Jesus, Ma, we haven't even been down there since the Fourth."

"Don't get me started on that! You two could make more of an effort to come down here and see us. We ain't getting any younger."

Ty could admit when he was beaten and he ignored his husband snickering in the background as he told his mother they would be down that night and no, they wouldn’t need dinner. “You don’t need to stay up. We know the way to our room.”

“Oh, I don’t think so. I will be waiting up so you can take care of that right then and there.”

He couldn’t think of a single thing that he had done in the last few years that would result in this kind of ire. Maybe Deacon had finally done something that upset her and she just assumed it was him? That had to be it. Ty nodded, even though no one could hear the decision he came to. “Alright, Ma. Let me get off the phone so we can get on the road and take care of whatever this problem is.”

“Don’t sass me, boy. We will be having words about your choice of company when you get down here.”

“What did Zane do?” Ty asked, absolutely at a loss considering the twists and turns of this conversation. 

Ty could practically hear his mother rolling his eyes from there. “Not Zane. The other ones.” With that, she disconnected, leaving Ty staring at the phone and his husband staring at him.

“The other ones?” Zane asked, brow quirked. “You have some other husbands I need to know about?” At least he was amused, which was more than Ty could say for himself. 

“Please, Lone Star. You keep me busy enough. I couldn’t handle another one.” Not that he would even consider such a thing. Zane was the only one for him and they both knew it. “You want to go pack a bag and I’ll get the cats ready for the trip.” 

Mercifully, Zane didn’t ask any more questions, just offered him a quick kiss and went to do as he asked. He could hear Mara just as well as Ty could. Ozone all the way out in San Diego could probably hear her. She was really worked up and Ty fought the urge to call her back and apologize just so she could calm down. 

The problem was, he still had no idea what he had done wrong.

Before long, they were in the car on the way to West Virginia. The cats cried mournfully for the first hour but eventually settled in, glaring at Zane as he drove. Ty tried not to find that as funny as he did but they seemed to blame him for every misfortune in their lives, which really was hilarious. 

Zane didn’t think so but Zane didn’t have a sense of humor, either. 

“So, what did you do to upset her so much?” Zane finally asked when they were about an hour out. Ty gave him credit for restraint. If the tables were turned, he would have asked immediately. The fact that it took Zane this long meant he’d been running all the possible scenarios in his head and came up empty. 

“I’m not sure. That’s what makes this so frustrating. If I did something I knew about, it would be easier to grovel. I don’t know what I’m groveling for!”

Sighing, Zane didn’t take his eyes off the road. “I guess, in that case, we’re in for a surprise.”

Sometimes Ty hated surprises. 

They pulled up in front of the old farmhouse and for once, Ty wasn’t looking forward to being there. Tension cramped in his gut as he faced down the scariest adversary he’d ever come up against. His mother. 

“Come on, doll. We need to go see her eventually. And don’t you want to know what all this is about?”

Ty _was_ curious but he didn’t really want to get his ass whooped by his mother and so he sent Zane in first, so he could hide behind his husband.

“I am not your goddamn shield. Get in there and face your mother, Grady.”

Pouting, Ty pushed past him. "And you claim to love me," he grumbled. 

"I do love you and I will put myself in front of a bullet for you any time. But not your mother. You're on your own." 

What good was having a husband if he wouldn't step up and help in Ty's greatest moment of need? He was still pondering that when his mother grabbed his arm and dragged him through the house and out the back door. "What did you believe I was going to think when this arrived this morning? Did you just think I was going to keep it as my own and not ask any questions?"

Out in the backyard stood the largest crate Ty had seen in quite some time. It reminded him of those old ACME boxes from cartoons. There were even holes punched out as if something living was inside there.

He froze, almost afraid of what he was going to find. "Ma, what is _that_?" 

"You're supposed to tell me because it arrived for you and I am not keeping it. We don't need any more destruction around here. We already got your grandfather."

Zane stepped up beside him and stared at the box with just as much confusion as Ty. This was...different. More unusual than most things they dealt with. "What do you think is inside?" 

Hell if Ty knew and he wasn't going near that thing, particularly when it shook from whatever was inside it. "Oh, hell no." He took a step back but Zane's arm snaked around his waist holding him in place. "Whatever this is, it's a mistake. We need to send it back."

"Clearly." Zane was less than thrilled about this development and Ty understood now why his mother was so upset about this. Even if he had no idea why this was even happening. "But I think we should look inside and see what it is at least."

"By all means, Hoss. Have at it. I'm going to stay back here."

His mother had been watching the goings on without comment, arms crossed over her chest and a disapproving scowl that sent Ty spiraling back to his childhood. "No need for that. We already looked inside and we were not impressed."

"And...? Jesus, Ma. Just tell us what it is." 

"Care to tell me why you had a kangaroo shipped to our house?" 

She said it with such disdain and annoyance that Ty almost missed that actual question. When he caught up, Ty couldn't help laughing, bent over with his hands on his knees. It took him a few moments to catch his breath and get himself under control. His mother continued to stare at him with open animosity and Zane was barely holding back his own laughter. "I had a _what_ sent to you?"

"You heard me the first time, Beaumont. Now, take care of that." Mara finally turned to give Zane a smile. "Zane dear, I have some pie inside if you would like some."

"I don't get pie?" Ty whined, aware that he was whining. 

She shook her head. "No, you get your damn kangaroo." She turned on her heel and headed back inside, leaving Ty and Zane to stare at the box in confusion.

Well, Zane was staring in confusion. Ty was pulling out his phone, cursing under his breath. "Fucking assholes. I'm going to kill them." His finger hovered over four different names and Ty wondered which one to call first. Most likely they were all in on it but if there was trouble like this, usually Nick wasn't the instigator. And Owen would have sent him something that could explode. Which left two options.

In the end, he dialed the first number on the list and knew he'd chosen right when all he heard was laughter on the other end. "What the fuck, Doc? Why would you send me a fucking kangaroo?" Even as he said the words, Ty couldn't believe that this was his life. How had this happened? Where had he gone wrong?"

"Did you know," Kelly started conversationally, though he was having difficulty stopping himself from laughing, "that it is legal to own a kangaroo in West Virginia without a permit? Almost every state either requires a permit or it is outlawed altogether."

"Then send it to Digger!"

Kelly sighed. "Couldn't do that. Illegal in Louisiana. Can you believe it?"

"Then you take it!"

"Nope, illegal in Colorado too. And New York, Massachusetts, and California before you ask."

Ty ran a hand through his hair, willing himself to stay calm. "So you sent it to my parents?"

"Well, it's illegal in Maryland also, so I couldn't very well send it to Baltimore!"

"You could have not sent it at all!" He probably should have led with that but somehow, Kelly Abbott made the most ridiculous situations sound completely reasonable. Including sending a kangaroo to a teammate's parents’ house, simply because it was legal to do so.

Kelly laughed and Ty could practically see him shrugging from the other side of the country. "Yeah, but where's the fun in that?"

"I'm sending it back tomorrow."

"They've already scheduled the pick-up. Don't worry about it."

Ty dropped the hand with his phone to his side and screamed wordlessly into the quiet West Virginia night. The crate shuddered at the noise and Ty glared at it. He picked the phone back up in time to hear Kelly laugh, "Love you Boo."

Growling, Ty threw his hand up in the air. "You know I hate you."

"Yep. Tell Zane and your family hi from me and Nicko. Talk to you soon." Kelly hung up before Ty could say anything else and he was left staring a the crate, the sound of Kelly's laughter ringing in his ears. 

"Sooo...?" Zane started, clearly unsure whether he wanted to have this conversation or not. 

With a sigh, Ty put his phone away and turned to face his husband. "Apparently someone will be here to pick it up tomorrow. I have no idea what Doc's game was but he seemed to think he was hilarious."

"Well, I mean, it is kinda funny. In Kelly's own way."

"You're not supposed to take his side!"

Zane finally lost his control over his laughter, much to Ty's annoyance. He sulked, waiting for Zane to get it out of his system. It _was_ funny but Ty wasn't about to admit than and let them win. He was still annoyed, god damn it. "They sent a _kangaroo_ to my _parents_ , Zane. No wonder Ma wants to kill me. I sorta want to do it myself and I had nothing to do with this." That only made Zane laugh harder. 

Several minutes later, Zane managed to pull himself together, though occasional giggles were still bubbling out (a man his size shouldn't be able to giggle and it really shouldn't be that adorable, Ty thought). "Doll, you know Sidewinder. This is probably one of the tamer things they could do to you. They've already arranged for it to be taken away so, maybe just accept this and move on?"

He was right and Ty knew it. Didn't mean he had to like it or admit it. "Fine, but I think we both know what the real questions are." Zane's jaw tightened and his shoulders rolled back as though preparing for a fight, which Ty thought was fair. Waiting a few seconds more, drawing out the suspense (and watching Zane get more uncomfortable), Ty finally said, "First, who is going to explain this to my mother so I don't have to sleep out here tonight with this thing. And two, how are we going to get them back?"

"First," Zane answered, holding up his fingers to count off, "You are telling your mother because I prefer to stay on her good side, thank you very much. Second, I don't know yet but I also know that third, you are the most devious bastard I know. If anyone can figure it out, it's you."

Ty kissed him, wrapping his arms around the back of Zane's neck and hauling him closer, earning a grunt from his husband. "You say the sweetest things, Lone Star. Now, I heard there was pie."

"For me, not you. I get pie, you get to explain why your Recon team mailed you a kangaroo."

"Remind me why I married you again?"

Zane took off up the steps with a half shrug. "I'm good in bed and carry a gun."

Admiring the way his husband's ass looked in the jeans he wore, Ty had to agree. "You're also pretty!"

"Fuck you, Meow Mix."

"Promises, promises," Ty laughed, watching him head inside. He was pulled from his fantasies about getting Zane alone and naked by the crate next to him shaking ominously. Ty took the steps two at a time, cursing Kelly Abbott under his breath. 

And probably the rest of them as well. He'd need to plan his revenge. 

But first, he planned to steal Zane's pie. It was only fair.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't even ask. Apparently, I only write crack fic now. LMAO


End file.
